


Between Head and Heart

by TheIceQueen



Series: They are Four Each Other [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesia, Angel/Human Relationships, Angry Dean Winchester, Angst, Bad Jokes, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Bedside Hand-Holding, Blood and Injury, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Broken Bones, Castiel and Gabriel (Supernatural) are Siblings, Comforting Castiel (Supernatural), Confusion, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Established Relationship, Fear, Fluff and Angst, Head Injury, Holding Hands, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Jokes, M/M, Major Character Injury, Medical, Memories, Memory Loss, Men Crying, Nicknames, Pain, Painkillers, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Gabriel, Protectiveness, Sam Winchester Bingo 2019, Scared Sam Winchester, Sleepiness, Soulmates, Stitches, Supernatural Kink Bingo 2019, Unconsciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-23 19:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18155810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIceQueen/pseuds/TheIceQueen
Summary: Sam is hurt bad on a hunt with Dean, and when he wakes up they all realize that they might have to explain Sam's entire past to him and hope that he eventually remembers. Gabriel tries to come to terms with the fact that Sam might never know how much they were in love just a day ago.(can be read without the rest of the series)-o--O--o- Series Background -o--O--o-Dean and Cas have been together (secret from anyone but Sam) for years. Otherwise, everything happened as we know it up until Sam managed to pull Gabriel back into our world before the rift closed. After Dean used Michael to kill Lucifer, Gabriel killed Michael.Dean, Sam, Cas and Gabriel (and Mary, Bobby and Jack) continues hunting low-level monsters, while Sam and Gabriel's relationship also develops.>works won't be posted chronological but will be sorted in the series.<





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for:  
> Bad Things Happen Bingo: Stitches  
> Spn Dark Bingo: Soulmates (challenge square)  
> Spn Kink Bingo 2019: Amnesia  
> Sam Winchester bingo: Major Character Injury
> 
> Betas on Tumblr: Huntress79 and felix-the-white-wolf

* * *

Gabriel was ready to let heaven figure it’s shit out by itself, grab Cas and fly home. Why had Sam insisted that the brothers could go on that hunt alone? Yes; it was only a single werewolf, and yes; heaven was in uproar, again, and needed him and Cas more than Sam and Dean did.

“Cas, it’s been seven hours since Dean’s prayer. I think we should go.”

Cas was leaned over quite a few newly discovered documents on the desk.

“We are needed here. Dean said that Sam was hurt but okay, that we shouldn’t take prayers from him seriously.”

“Yeah. I know what he said, but why did he say it? And why haven’t Sam prayed for me?”

The annoyed look and the deep breath Cas took only made Gabriel more impatient.

“Well, he’s probably unconscious. Maybe Dean said it because Sam hit his head.”

“How, in all the worlds, is that going to make me feel better?!”

Why was he even discussing this? It wasn’t safe to leave Cas alone, but if he left now, his righteous little brother would follow. He would be a pain to be around for the next weeks, but he’d go.

For the first time Cas stood up and looked at Gabriel. “This is important, Gabriel. The two of them have taken care of each other for years before they knew we existed. Let us finish this or wait for Dean to call on us; whatever comes first.”

Cas turned back to the papers as if this discussion was over, but the knot in Gabriel’s stomach still kept him very much on track.

“What if it was Dean?”

Cas froze and his eyes stopped moving over the papers.

“Cas. What if Sam had told us that Dean was hurt and not to believe anything he was saying and then; radio silence?”

A deep breath pushed up Cas’s hunched back before he straightened it and turned to Gabriel.

“Okay. I will go with you to check on him.”

* * *

Sam was unconscious but he was moving and making small hums of pain. Dean was sitting on a chair next to the bed, holding a bloody towel to his brother’s forehead while trying to make him lie still.

“Why didn’t you call us down here?”

Gabriel was already kneeling on the empty side of the mattress in his and Sam’s big bed.

“He only just started moving again.” Dean put his free hand on Sam’s chin, holding his head from turning back and forth. The whimper from Sam pulled Gabriel’s exhale out too fast. “He was half out of it before, but he’s been sleeping for a few hours now.”

Sam’s hand was heavy and it barely moved when Gabriel took it in his. “He’s in pain, Dean. He’s bleeding. You should’ve…”

“He’s been out, remember? I figured I would wait with the stitches till he was more lucid, if you didn’t get here first.” Dean made sure Gabriel was looking at him. “Gabe. He’s been through worse. We both have. Just fix him up so I can get some sleep too.”

It tore into Gabriel’s stomach to see Sam like this, but Dean was right and fortunately Gabriel didn’t have to listen to Sam’s protesting moans anymore. For the first time in hours Gabriel’s hands were steady. Not to startle Sam, he calmly moved two fingers to the part of Sam’s forehead that the towel didn’t cover.

Cas grabbed Gabriel’s wrist.

“Wait.”

The angel’s coat was still moving from the short flight across the room. Dean looked just as shocked at Gabriel was, still trying to hold the towel on Sam’s wound. Gabriel allowed Cas to hold his hand a few inches from Sam but only until he said what this was about, and he’d better hurry.

“Castiel?”

“Listen to him.”

For a few seconds everyone but Sam was quiet. Something that was definitely supposed to have been words came through the small whimpers. Dean took a firmer hold on Sam’s chin.

“Hey Sammy, are you coming back to us?”

“Where…?” Sam’s words were just air and he still didn’t open his eyes. “What?”

Gabriel pulled his arm from Cas’s hand but Cas blocked Sam’s head from being touched.

“Cas. He’s in pain!”

“I know, but this is important. Listen…”

Gabriel was about to throw Cas across the room, he _could_ do it, but Dean caught his eyes and Gabriel silently agreed to hold off just a second more.

“Cas. He’s half unconscious. He’s confused, it happens to the best of us.”

“No Dean. This is different, I heard him. Gabriel, listen.”

Gabriel squeezed Sam’s hand a bit firmer, hoping that it would tell him that he was still there. Keep him calm, and that everything would be good as soon as Cas got his tie loosened and let some blood back in his brain.

“Where…?”

Trying to get Sam’s attention by squeezing his shoulder, Gabriel leaned over him to get closer to his face.

“Sam. You’re home. I’ll fix you in a second, okay?”

With moans louder than before, Sam tried to move upwards in the bed, not managing more than moving his arms and shoulders. “No… What…?” A deep breath almost emptied his lungs and Gabriel was sure he was going to pass out again. “What…? Who?”

“There. You heard that.”

Gabriel took the towel as Dean unexpectedly stood up, blocking Cas from Sam. “I did! He’s confused and in pain and the only thing I’ve learned from the last minute is that he’s on his way to being really freaking scared. Can Gabriel, please patch him up now?!”

“He _is_ getting scared. That’s not normal for waking up, he should be getting calmer.”

Gabriel had thought about healing Sam a hundred times since Dean pushed Cas away and his hand touched that towel, but if Dean couldn’t talk Cas out of something, Cas must be pretty damn sure to be right.

“Cas?” Gabriel forced his gaze from Sam’s face and looked up. “Explain better. Now.”

Dean looked confused that Gabriel was engaging in the conversation, or maybe he had just expected him to have healed Sam already, but he waited for Cas’s explanation too.

“I know Sam is not completely conscious and that makes him confused, but that’s not all.” Cas took Dean’s shoulder making the hunter look into his stern eyes. “He said _who_. Have you ever been so far gone that you didn’t know who Sam was?”

“No, but…” Dean looked down at his brother and then up at Gabriel. “It’s not a big deal. I’ve… We’ve all tried waking up after a beatdown and  having no idea where we were, or even what day it was.”

Cas must have lost his mind somewhere in that shithole they were forced to call heaven. Sam knew who they were. Of course he recognized Dean’s voice. He was just tired and in pain. Sam remembered _him_. But somehow, the shakiness to Dean’s voice made Gabriel doubt everything about this situation. Sam was moving more and his whimpers were getting louder and more distressed.

“You called him Sammy.” Cas demanded Dean’s attention. “Dean, you called him Sammy. He heard your voice say the name only you call him, and he still asked who. He doesn’t remember.”

Gabriel let go of Sam’s hand and took his chin to turn his face. His eyes were mostly closed; the slow blinks were nothing but slivers.

“Sam…? Baby-Boy?”

Sam hummed and his eyes blinked twice a little faster before closing again.

“You’re safe. Do you know where you are?”

The sliver between Sam’s eyelids stayed but he didn’t seem like he was able to focus on something. “I’m… Who?” Sam’s eyes fell shut and he turned his head away with a pained moan.

This couldn’t be right. It was still just a concussion. A pain-induced hallucination, or something. Sam hadn’t forgotten. Gabriel suddenly had trouble focusing and Dean must have seen it coming, for when the angel took Sam’s hand with both of his, Dean sat down and took charge of the towel. Sam growled and held tight to Gabriel’s hands.

“Well, you can heal him, right?”

Gabriel wasn’t sure if Dean was talking to him or Cas, but he let the other angel answer.

“We can’t heal amnesia. Even if we knew every memory, it’s still too big a part to restore.”

The hand in Gabriel’s were back to limp and only moved because Sam was shifting and turning his head. Gabriel lifted his gaze from the hand and forced his eyes to focus on Cas.

“We don’t know. Castiel…. He might be better when he’s not in pain. It could just be a bad concussion.”

“You are right, but we have to wait until we know for sure.”

Dean had put his free hand on Sam’s chin to try and steady him as he was starting to shift and pull away from the towel on his forehead. The older Winchester used a valuable second to look at Cas.

“Wait with what? You’re still going to heal the rest of him, right?!” The look in Dean’s eyes was clear; he demanded an explanation. Dean was the only one who could make a stare like that and now it was directed at Gabriel.

“If we heal him now…” Gabriel looked at Sam and swallowed as he realized that the almost unconscious man was getting more confused, just like Cas had said. “If we heal him now, we could block the part in his brain that’s trying to heal itself. We would make it permanent.”

Sam hummed and tried to get away from the towel again.

“I know it hurts but you need to lie still.” Gabriel lifted Sam’s hand, but the hunter pulled it away and kept fighting Dean.

“We can’t stitch him like this… Gabe?” Dean looked quickly at Gabriel but soon both of them were trying to hold Sam still as he slowly got stronger and more coordinated. “Can’t you just heal one thing at a time?”

Every possible solution, and a few impossible, had already gone through Gabriel’s mind. The knot in his stomach raised to block his throat when he realized, that no matter how he tried to heal just a little cut, it would be too risky. He swallowed to make room for answering Dean, but gave up and just shook his head.

Gabriel looked at Cas for answers. The other angel had walked to the end of the bed, and looked like he was assessing the situation.

“How deep is his headwound? Maybe we should let him be while he’s waking up.”

Sam did look like the hands on his chin and shoulder, not to talk about the forehead, was making him more scared and frantic than he needed to be, but Gabriel’s breathing became harder to maintain just by the thought of leaving Sam like this. Dean shook his head.

“Look at the towel, Cas. His head is split open.” Dean must have heard the sharp inhale Gabriel made or maybe the fear was shining through his eyes. “Gabriel. I can patch him up. Just not like this. He needs to calm down first.”

It got a bit easier to breathe. Dean seemed so certain. Gabriel had no idea how Dean did it; how he could put the worry aside and act before anything else took over.

Suddenly, Dean had to grab Sam’s wrist as he tried to push him away. On impulse, Gabriel took Sam’s chin and made the confused man look at him. Sam’s eyes were more open and he focused long enough to call it real eye-contact.

“Can you hear me?”

“Yeah.” Sam frowned his forehead like he always did when he was thinking heard. Gabriel used to smile when he saw it; it was endearing, but now it was just another layer of horrible. “Where am I?”

“You’re home. Don’t worry, you’re safe.”

Sam blinked so slow and had his eyes closed for so long that Gabriel, for a second, feared that he was passing out.

“Sam?”

“My head…” Sam took his time to look at Gabriel again.

“You hit it hard, but you will be fine. You just have to let us help.”

The frown grew deeper as Sam looked at the guy at the end of the bed and then at the one holding his forehead.

“What? Who…?”

Gabriel felt his heart skip a couple of beats. The worst was that Sam didn’t know him, any of them. Sam was losing concentration fast; his breathing was getting slower and his head heavier to hold by the chin. It took Gabriel a second to recover and continue the conversation.

“We’ll explain everything. Right now you just rest but, Sam, you need the towel on.”

“Sam?”

Before anyone had to answer, Sam’s body went limp and his eyes fell shut.

The only sound in the room was as shallow and quiet breathing almost drowned in the three fast and heavy ones.

“Okay.” Surprisingly, Gabriel was the first to speak. “We’ll wait for him to get more clear.”

The hand on Dean’s shoulder startled him enough that Gabriel looked up at Cas too. “Maybe we should try not to crowd him when he wakes up.”

The brother and the boyfriend shared a gaze. Shock wasn’t a state Gabriel had seen Dean in very often, but now it was painted over his face. Making the decision made his eyes well up so he had trouble seeing Dean when he sent him a smile and nodded. It hurt his stomach to let’s Sam’s shoulder go and crawl of the bed, but when Sam woke up, he would without a doubt demand more answers, and explaining the brother might be an easier start than the boyfriend.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey, hey, easy.”

Dean had trouble following Sam’s headwound with the towel when the hurt hunter started pushing himself up to sit against the headboard. Gabriel, who had been standing in the far corner of the room with Cas, rushed to the brothers and tried to help get him seated, but Sam held a hand up to reject the offer and the angel  stepped behind Dean.

The hisses and small growls of pain Sam made as he moved slowly, had Gabriel feeling every of Sam’s aching ribs in his own body.

Sam lifted his hand to the towel and Dean took his wrist to keep him from it. “Don’t. You need stitches.”

A few seconds of confused looks at all three of them passed before he nodded and Dean let Sam hold the towel himself.

Dean looked back at Gabriel, but Gabriel only saw the confusion in Sam’s eyes and had to fight every bone in his body to take his hand and tell him it would be okay.

Cas took a step closer but stopped as it seemed to startle Sam. “Dean…” He nodded at Dean, and the older Winchester looked back at his little brother.

“What do you remember?”

Sam frowned and his gaze dropped to the blanket covering his legs. “I woke up earlier, right?”

That was good, Gabriel felt a bit of weight lifted from his lungs. Sam remembered something.

Dean sat further back on the chair. “Yeah, you did. You were pretty out of it. How about before? Do you remember the hunt?”

Sam shook his head. “I was hunting? I can hunt? I don’t remember that.” Suddenly, Sam’s eyes were locked at Dean, but Gabriel will never forget the fear in them as the realization sat in. “I don’t remember anything.”

Dean looked swiftly at Cas before taking a deep breath and trying for more answers. “Okay. When you say _anything_ , what do you mean? Like the hunt or…?”

Gabriel’s breathing sped up in the same pace as Sam’s as his boyfriend’s eyes filled with desperation.

“Like, nothing. I don’t know how I got here. Where are we anyway?” Sam squeezed his eyes shot and hissed in pain. He must still have had a huge headache.

“Take a breath. You still have one hell of a concussion.” Dean held Sam by the shoulder to steady him till he was ready to look up again. “That’s it. Just take it easy. We’ll get you better.”

“I don’t know who you are.” As if Sam had heard Gabriel’s heart stop, he looked at the motionless angel. “I don’t know who _we_ are.” Sam’s breath sped up again. “I don’t remember my name.”

A set of strong shoulders moved under Gabriel’s arm and Cas pulled him to the side and placed him on a chair.

“Do you need to lie down?”

Gabriel shook his head. As soon as he didn’t had to rely on his legs, he was good, and there was no way he was going to leave this room. He nodded to Dean that he was okay, and he shouldn’t use energy on him now.

Dean turned back to Sam, who looked like he was deciding if he should run out of here or start crying.

“Okay. Listen up.” Dean made sure Sam was looking at him before continuing. “Your name is Sam Winchester, and I’m Dean Winchester. We’re brothers.”

Dean made a head-gesture for Cas. “That one over there is Cas, he’s my boyfriend, and the unsteady one is…” Gabriel held his breath and hoped that his eyes were silently screaming at Dean to not lay that on Sam just yet. “…he’s Cas’s brother and a good friend.”

Gabriel wasn’t sure he’d hidden his relief at all, but Sam didn’t seem to notice.

“Sam, I would like to do this in baby steps, but we need to get your head wound stitched up, it has already been too long.”

“We? I’m not getting stitches here. My leg is messed up and my ribs are making every breath hurt; I need a hospital.”

“We can’t go to a hospital. I’ll explain everything later.”

Still holding the towel with one hand, Sam used the other to try and push himself up more, but it only resulted in a deep pained moan, that almost succeeded in pulling Gabriel to the side of the bed.

“You’ll explain now. Why can’t we go? I can’t be sure we’re brothers. If you’re holding me here for some reason, just tell me. Where is _here_ anyway? Because this sure as hell isn’t a house.”

“Stop. Sam, we’re not holding you here. We live here. It’s a long story and I’ll give it to you later, but can we please patch you up first?”

It felt like forever before Dean decided that it had taken too long for Sam to figure out his next move.

“Cas. Get our passports please.”

Cas squeezed Gabriel’s shoulder and brought him a bit back to life before he left the room.

“Gabe.” Gabriel shook the off the last haziness and straightened his back. “Get the suture kit.”

Gabriel took the kit from the dresser while silently thanking Dean that he’d asked him to grab the thing that he’d already brought into the room. He would have flown out of there without thinking just to hurry, and _that_ would most definitely have been too much for Sam to witness.

Cas ran into the room and handed Dean the two passports and, after discreetly making sure it was the right ones, Dean handed them to Sam.

One by one, Sam studied the pictures and names, and then both once more. The silence was almost as bad as when they had waited for him to wake up, but eventually he handed them back to Dean.

“Okay. We’re brothers, but that doesn’t mean we’re good, you could still be some kinda maniac.”

This was too much to ask of anyone to believe, Gabriel were thinking hard of ways they could get Sam safely through a hospital stay.

“Here.” Dean pulled his neckline and revealed his tattoo. “You’ve got one too.” He nodded at Sam’s chest.

Sam had to steady his head with both hands when looking down, so Dean took it upon himself to pull his brother’s t-shirt too. Gabriel was sure some of the fear left Sam’s face when he looked up.

“But I still don’t get the hospital thing.”

Gabriel placed the kit on the table next to Dean, who proceeded with putting  on gloves.

“I promise that I’ll explain everything after, but we’re kinda wanted by… well, everyone.”

Sam’s face froze and so did his breathing. His gaze shifted from one man to the other. “What did we do?!”

How the hell were they to explain everything to Sam? Gabriel had literally lived since the dawn of man and he remembered most, but the last years were hard to sort out even for him.

“We were framed. Now, lie down. We’ll explain later.”

Sam didn’t look like he fully trusted any of them, but he must have realized that he needed his head wound mended, so he fought his way down again.

“You can get some ibuprofen but they won’t do much for this. We have whiskey if you want, but with the concussion…”

“No, I’m dizzy enough, thanks.”

The wound was almost at his hairline, it needed at least six stitches, but by some miracle it didn’t seem like it was going to be infected.

Cas handed Dean a clean towel and, as soon as Sam had nodded for him to go on, Dean placed it over his eyes so the antiseptic wouldn’t run that way. Dean poured the liquid in the wound and Sam hissed loud and ended in a coughing fit. Gabriel headed for Sam’s hand, clutching the sheath, but stopped after one step. Cas took his arm as if to tell him that he was right; he couldn’t comfort the man like he wanted to.

“Sorry, man. That was rough, I know.” Dean pushed him back down with his lower arm on Sam’s chest, careful not to use his gloved hand.

The small whimpers at the end of every breath mercifully got more and more silent as Sam slowly got his breaths back to shallow and short. Gabriel was starting to wonder if Sam’s ribs posed a real threat to his lungs.

Everything started over with the first stitch and Gabriel pulled his arm from Cas, but the other angel grabbed him by his shoulder and turned him away from the bed. With a hand on each of Gabriel’s upper arms, Cas got close and whispered to his big brother.

“Gabriel. You have to wait. Let Dean handle it. He can do it.”

“I know, Cas.” Gabriel pulled Cas further away so he could look at Sam and still talk without him hearing. Dean had let the towel stay on with the excuse that he needed to rest his hand there, but Gabriel was sure it was so he couldn’t see him inevitably fall apart.

“I know Dean can do it. I know Dean have helped him countless of times, but this is _me_. _I_ can’t. It’s the first time I can’t help him… and he doesn’t even know I want to.”

Sam hissed, and just barely avoided the painful coughing, as Dean pushed the needle through for the third time. Gabriel inhaled sharply and covered his mouth with his hand so the sound of his voice cracking didn’t make it to Sam. It wasn’t often they hugged and it was even more unlikely to see either of the angels cry, but when Cas pulled Gabriel in tight, the older angel wrapped his arms around the younger, pressed his head into his shoulder and let the tears fall.

“We will get him back.” Cas rubbed Gabriel’s back slowly. “We’ve been through worse. Just don’t let him hear you cry, not now.”

* * *

Cas was getting something for Sam to drink, while Dean cleaned away the blood, which he had used as an excuse for the towel to stay on a bit longer. Just long enough for Gabriel to get back in control and get rid of the red eyes. Dean had coached Sam through eight stitches and he was still a bit winded but seemed to calm down quick as the cold water was washing away the sticky blood from his forehead, hairline, ears and, when the towel came off, his nose, cheeks and chin.

“Here, drink some.” Dean helped Sam lift his head so he could get a sip of water. “How are you feeling?”

Sam leaned his head heavy back into the pillow. “It’s better without the pressure, but…” He squeezed the bridge of his nose with two fingers, took a controlled breath and then rubbed his temple.

“How about those pills now?” Dean hadn’t finished talking before Gabriel had found the pills and handed it to him.

Dean helped Sam drink again but the weak painkillers were only a small comfort for Gabriel as it was clear that every breath was hurting Sam.

“Sam, your leg needs a splint.” Dean put the water and the rest of the pills on the bedside table before he moved the blanket and revealed Sam’s dirty jeans. “That will be easy, but we need to make sure it will heal right first.”

Sam reached for another pillow and Cas helped him get it under his head so he could see better. “And how are we going to do that?”

If only Sam knew how many times, he and Dean had been through something like this, it wouldn’t scare him like it did. He would still hate the pain but his eyes wouldn’t be dark with fear and confusion.

“Gabriel.” Dean turned to the angel and gestured for him to walk over.

When a confused and apprehensive Gabriel was next to Dean and Sam, the older Winchester looked at Sam again.

“I don’t know about right now, but before you were onboard with some people having special abilities and Gabriel can feel how bad your injuries are.”

Dean and the angels waited for Sam to respond. The hunter looked long at Gabriel, his forehead frowned in thought and in the end, it seemed like he looked straight through him.

“I don’t remember anything like that, but I think I believe it.”

Dean shook his head. “Well, that doesn’t make sense, but at least you’re not more freaked out.”

“I know it doesn’t make sense, but even though I don’t remember anything, I still know something. Like, that I’m right-handed and that I like peanut butter, and I’m pretty sure I’m okay with believing things like that.”

Gabriel watched Dean’s shoulders drop an inch before he felt his own do the same. Dean moved out of the way and let Gabriel sit on the chair. He’d wanted to be closer to Sam for hours, but being right next to him and not be able to take his hand and decorate it with a gentle comforting kiss was somehow more horrible than being on the other side of the room. Gabriel cleared his throat and moved a bit forward on the chair.

“I’m only putting my hand on your leg, but it might hurt. Nothing like before, though.”

Sam looked to the ceiling and wrapped his fingers around the before made folds in the sheet. Cas nodded at Gabriel to go on and he carefully placed his hand on the place they suspected Sam’s shin was broken. The sound of Sam carefully controlling his breath was the only thing Gabriel still registered as he looked into the leg. When he let go, Sam’s breath quickly came back to normal.

It took Gabriel a few seconds to make the lump in his throat go away. Dean wasn’t good with waiting and if he cared that his voice were shaking, he couldn’t help it.

“So?”

“We can splint it.” Gabriel turned back to Sam. “Your leg will heal as it should, if you keep it still.”

Sam seemed to have lost his strain of thought and forgotten what he was going to say, but didn’t break the eyecontact they’d established.

“Can I look at your ribs too?”

The tired man looked thankful and slowly directed his eyes at the ceiling again. “Please.”

Gabriel took the blanket all the way off Sam, and took in the sight of the bloodstained t-shirt. It was hard to believe that all of that blood was from the head wound alone, but he reminded himself that it may not have been Sam’s all of it. Lightly, he rested his palms on either side of Sam’s torso and closed his eyes to see inside.

This hurt Sam more. Gabriel could feel him trying to hold his breath, but when the hands moved to the lower ribs, Sam failed and they all heard the air moving out in a strained growl.

“I’m sorry. I’m done.”

“It’s okay.” Sam was slowly uncurling his fingers and relaxing his shoulders. “I’m good.”

Gabriel looked at the pill glass. “Dean, how many did you give him?”

“Two.”

Gabriel looked back at the older hunter. Dean had taken a step back from being the lead and it looked like the situation was catching up with him. Cas was holding his hand, but he didn’t seem to realize. His breathing was fast and strong through his nose, and Gabriel knew it was only a question of when Dean would start throwing things around. Gabriel smiled at Cas, who seemed to be the only one being able to keep it together.

“I think you should take two more.” Gabriel handed Sam the pills and used all his strength not to hang on to his hand longer than absolutely necessary. “It’s safe for you to breathe normally, but you do have seven broken ribs.”

“Seven?!” Sam hissed in pain from voicing his surprise.

“I have no idea how you don’t have bone floating around in there, but each of them were only broken once.”

Maybe Sam was getting more tired or maybe it was harder on Gabriel to lift Sam’s head than it had been to watch Dean do it. It wasn’t easy to lift Sam’s leg either, but Cas helped with that, and it didn’t seem to be too painful on Sam when the angels tied one of the old splints, they had lying around, tight on his leg.

“The pills will hopefully help you sleep too.” Gabriel put a friendly comforting hand on Sam’s shoulder as he stood up.

“Wait.”

Gabriel froze and looked down on the exhausted man. “Sam?”

“Could one of you cut this thing off me?” Sam looked down his blood stained shirt.

When Gabriel realized that Cas was using most of his concentration on Dean who was close to crushing the back of the wooden chair he was leaning against, he took a deep breath and sat down again. He took the small pair of scissors from the suture kit and started at the neckline. The skin over Sam’s ribs and upper stomach was covered in black and purple. In some areas small red specks added to the color palette. Up until now, Gabriel had felt bad for the deep soreness he’d indubitably inflicted on Sam, but simply putting his hands on the skin must have been horrible for Sam as well.

A gasp filled the room. “Sam.” Dean was the only one who voiced his realization of the extent of the injuries. He stared at the chest of his younger brother. “It’s my fault. I should have been the first one to go in. Sam, I’m sorry.”

Sam lifted his head and looked at one man after the other, and ended on Gabriel who didn’t feel shocked and somehow Sam seemed reassured by it.

He looked at his older brother. “Dean, was it?”

Dean’s eyes flickered over the room without finding a place to rest. He locked his jaw and held the chair so hard his arms were shaking, and nodded.

“Okay. I’m not exactly sure how he knows, but this one just told us that I was okay and you all seemed to believe him.”

Tears were clouding Gabriel’s eyes. Sam’s voice was the same as always, and it was easy to forget that he still didn’t remember. But he was learning their names like he’d never heard them before. Gabriel would have done anything to hear Sam saying his name with recognition in his voice. What if he wouldn’t hear Sam’s voice call him “Angel” ever again? Something squeezed the air out of his lungs as he realized that he might never be called “Sparky” again. Even with the confused look on his face Sam was still the same, maybe he was just a Sam who didn’t know that Gabriel loved him, or that he loved Gabriel.

The angel blinked away the tears and swallowed the lump in his throat. “You are going to be okay, there will be no lasting damage.” Gabriel looked back at Dean. “We have to believe that the memory will rebuild, too.”

Cas pulled Dean by the elbow. “Let’s give Sam some space to rest.”

Dean reluctantly followed Cas to the door and Gabriel wondered if he should follow, but he couldn’t. Sam shouldn’t be alone. Besides, Gabriel wasn’t sure he could make himself leave even if Dean or Cas stayed behind. He covered Sam’s chest with the blanket and silently walked to the chair further away and, with an approving nod from Dean, he sat down.

Seconds after the door was closed Gabriel heard, what he was sure was, Dean’s hand colliding with another door, which was confirmed when it was followed by Cas’s muffled voice and then silence. The startled look on Sam’s face revealed that he’d heard it too but he didn’t ask and Gabriel didn’t think it was necessary to explain.

If wasn’t long before Gabriel realized that Sam’s breathing became a bit deeper. The painkillers must have started doing their job. His eyes were getting heavy and his blinks were slower now, but he still insisted on having his head turned and looking at Gabriel. Maybe Sam thought it was weird having him in the room. Maybe he should get over his own feelings and make himself leave.

“Sam?”

Sam didn’t move his head but suddenly they had eyecontact and Gabriel’s feet were glued to the floor. How was he supposed to leave now?

“Do you want to be alone? Should I…” Without any result, Gabriel tried making his knees move. “Should I leave?”

Suddenly, Sam’s eyes were wide open and his breathing stopped completely. “No… I would like someone in here. I mean; what if I wake up and don’t remember all of this?”

Every muscle in Gabriel’s body relaxed, his legs too, and he had to concentrate not to fall off the chair. He leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees.

“I’m sure you will remember… and the rest of it will come back, too. But until then, I’ll stay.”


	3. Chapter 3

For almost an hour, Gabriel had been watching Sam sleep, waking up a few times only to sleep again a few seconds later. Then out of nowhere, the hunter’s head started moving back and forth and his forehead frowned in a shape of something between confusion, pain and fear.

“Sam?” Gabriel rushed to the chair next to the bed. “Sam, are you awake?”

Sam muttered something resembling words but nothing understandable. His breathing sped up and soon he was fighting some invisible thing over him. His face distorted in pain from the movements but he didn’t stop. Not even when Gabriel held him down by his shoulder and took one of his wrists.

“Sam. Wake up!”

“No. Get away from me!” If Sam’s eyes had been open and he’d hit Gabriel properly, that swing might have hurt the angel.

“Sam! You’re dreaming. It’s just a dream!”

Gabriel grabbed Sam’s other wrist and felt the fear vibrating stronger through the large body.

“What’s…?!” Dean was up in the bed, on the other side of Sam, almost before he got through the door. “Sam!”

“Leave me alone! Get away!”

Dean took Sam’s face in both his hands. “Sam!”

Even with his eyes open, it took a few seconds for Sam to stop fighting, and even longer for his breathing to start slowing down.

“Sammy. It was just a dream. Are you with us now?”

As Sam nodded at Dean, he relaxed his arms and Gabriel guided them slowly down, so they didn’t touch his ribs. It seemed as the pain set in as soon as the adrenaline was out of his body. Dean let his brother’s face go and climbed down to join Cas at the foot end of the bed.

The fear was still in Sam’s eyes when he looked at Gabriel, and the angel wanted nothing more than to take his hand. Gabriel sat on his hands and straightened his back.

“Do you need anything for the pain?” He wasn’t sure it would be safe to give him anymore this soon, but the workout he’d just had, must have been excruciating to wake up to.

“No, it’s okay.”

Sam held his breath and started to push himself up and Gabriel hurried to place a pillow behind his back. They all waited for Sam to gather himself and get used to breathe a bit shallower to diminish the pain. The silence became too much after Sam had looked at the face of all three men a few times. Cas was the one to break it.

“Did the dream help you remember anything?”

“No. I mean, I don’t think so.” Sam’s forehead frowned and then he looked at Gabriel. “At first it didn’t make sense. There were things… creatures. Things you only see in movies, but somehow I wasn’t scared of them.”

Gabriel turned and looked at Dean. He was sure that the older Winchester didn’t know that Sam had told him about the moment he first found out about monsters. But by the extra weight added to Dean’s shoulder, Gabriel was certain he was thinking the same thing; eventually they would have to give Sam “The Talk” and this time it wouldn’t just be monsters. How were they supposed to try and explain Sam’s whole life?

Gabriel bit his lip and turned back to Sam. He didn’t want to ask this, but Sam deserved all the answers he wanted. “So, what did scare you?”

“It was just a man.” Clearly confused and maybe embarrassed that his eyes were filling with tears, Sam looked away.

“If it was only a nightmare, why am I still scared of him now that I’m awake?”

Gabriel did his best to calm his rage. If Dean hadn’t already killed his vile and sadistic older brother, Gabriel would have rushed out of there to skin him slowly for what he’d done to Sam. Even without his memories, Sam was petrified.

Without thinking, Gabriel took Sam’s hand. “Sam, listen to me.” The tear escaping Sam’s eye when he turned back and looked at him, had Gabriel take another breath to calm down. “All you need to know right now, is that he can’t hurt us.”

“But I… who is he?”

Gabriel swallowed and looked for answers from the other two. Dean looked as if he was going to start pacing the floor on anger, but the older hunter held it together in front of Sam, as always, he was the steady one when needed.

“Who was he?” Cas took a step forward and managed to make a little smile. “He’s dead, Sam. We will explain everything if you want it, but first; maybe you could let Dean see if you are healing as you should?”

The break was good for all of them. Gabriel, found it a bit easier being in the room after Dean had looked in Sam’s eyes and under the bandage, and confirmed that everything was moving in the right direction.

Dean dropped the gloves in the trash and looked satisfied with the knowledge that the concussion was almost gone.

“Are you a doctor?” Sam’s face was serious, but everyone else was surprised by the question.

“No.” Gabriel smiled at Dean. “He just plays one on TV.”

“Really, Gabe?”

Dean looked like he could kill Gabriel on the spot and Sam was obviously more confused than ever, but that one had been too easy to let pass, and Gabriel didn’t even regret it for a second. He needed that.

Cas shook his head at his brother and concentrated on the matter at hand again. “What do you want to know?”

Sam took his eyes away from Cas and folded his hands in his lap.

“Sam?” Dean sat on the chair next to the bed. “Where do you wanna start?”

“I don’t…” Sam didn’t make eye-contact with anyone. “Can I talk to Gabriel?”

Tears were once again pressing at Gabriel’s eyes and he looked to the ceiling lamp blinking them away before Sam lifted his head and blinked his eyes up to look at the angel.

Before leaving the room, Dean took Gabriel’s arm and looked him in the eyes. The small nod he was left with said everything; Dean was okay with however little or much Gabriel ended up telling Sam.

* * *

The first few moments alone was silent and Gabriel stayed standing in the middle of the room till Sam gestured for him to sit in the chair.

“What do you want to know? I’ll tell you about the man in your dream, but it’s a long story and maybe it’s not the best place to start.”

Gabriel hoped with all of his heart that Sam wouldn’t demand answers to that right now. Lucifer couldn’t be his only knowledge of his past. Not even for a minute. He needed to know a lot of other things first.

Sam looked investigative at him, but eventually he nodded and took a second to look over the room.

“We’re under ground, aren’t we? This isn’t a house.”

“No it’s not. You and Dean have inherited it. It’s a bunker of sorts, it’s huge. We live here.”

“The four of us?”

Gabriel nodded and leaned back in the chair. This was a conversation he was comfortable with. Small steps.

“Others come by from time to time we are the only ones who live here. Your mom has a room here too, and some more family. You’ll meet Jack and Bobby later.”

The thinking-frown was back on Sam’s forehead. Maybe it took some time to catch up with the news of Mary. Sam sought eye-contact and when Gabriel looked into the hazel eyes, he was sure he saw more of the old Sam than he’d done so far.

“You…” Sam squinted and shook his head slightly, but didn’t break the precious contact. “You’re more than just a friend to me, aren’t you?”

Gabriel stood up and walked to the end of the bed. He needed to move; his knees were shaking and his head was suddenly spinning with questions. Had he led Sam to believe something? Had he freaked him out, scared him? What was he going to say not to get kicked out of the room? He wasn’t sure his legs would carry him out of that door.

“Gabriel?”

Sam was waiting more patiently than he’d done through this whole thing. Gabriel put his hands on the back of the chair Dean had almost crushed earlier.

“Why would you think that?”

Sam took a breath deep enough that his pained ribs pressed it out a bit too fast.

“You’ve been in here since I woke up, and every time you got close to the door, I’ve been uneasy, or maybe even scared that you would leave.” Sam looked down on his fingers, fidgeting in front of him. “For some reason I’ve wanted you here all this time.”

Gabriel’s shoulders lowered significantly with his next exhale. Sam sounded insecure about continuing, but Gabriel was sure that he wasn’t afraid of the answers he would get.

“I…” Gabriel bit his lip and looked down.

“Gabriel.”

The angel nodded to let Sam know that he was listening.

“Maybe I’m crossing a line or revealing something I haven’t before, but I don’t think I am. Please tell me if I’m going crazy.”

“You’re not.” Sam needed to know that Gabriel knew how he felt before the head injury and that he felt the same way. He looked up at the hunter and for the first time Sam looked relieved by anything they’d said.

“I knew how you felt about me. And the other way around.”

Gabriel looked away. It was excruciating talking about their relationship as it was no more, but he couldn’t expect Sam to jump right back into what they had. Looking at the floor next to his feet, he swallowed and blinked away the burning in his eyes.

“This was my bed too.”

“Would you come sit down?”

As soon Gabriel looked up, he felt the warmth from the small smile on Sam’s face. Slowly, he walked over and sat down on the chair.

“Do you remember that I told you that I knew some things, even without remembering?”

“Yeah…” Extremely aware of his body movements, Gabriel ended up sitting perfectly still, not to look as uncomfortable as he was.

“I know how I feel. Even when I was half unconscious and in pain, I was sure that the hand holding mine was safe. When you took my hand just now, I knew it was you.”

The tears in Gabriel’s eyes were building a wall tall enough that it would burst soon, and sure enough; when he looked up at Sam and blinked, one fell from each eye. Maybe Sam didn’t remember his life or even names, but he remembered the feelings he had for Gabriel and when the angel took his hand in both of his, he seemed reassured by the fact that Gabriel felt the same way.

“Are you starting to remember anything?”

Gabriel looked up from their hands and saw Sam’s calm face smiling at him.

“I’m not exactly remembering, but things are getting clearer.”

Gabriel didn’t follow and shook his head slightly.

“I know we don’t live a normal life. Even more unusual than living in a bunker with a human x-ray machine.”

Gabriel bit his lower lip. He wondered if he would have to spring the whole angel-bomb soon, or if Sam would remember before he had to. Sam hissed as he reached over with his other hand and supported Gabriel’s chin with only his index finger, making sure the angel wouldn’t look down again.

The longer the silence lasted the more Gabriel’s urge to kiss Sam build. Without knowing his gaze dropped and lingered on his mouth. When he looked in Sam’s eyes again it only took a second of silent communication between them, before Sam nodded.

With a lingering feeling that this was terribly wrong and a lump in his throat, Gabriel only managed a whisper. “Are you sure?”

Sam nodded and pulled Gabriel’s hands with both of his, indicating that it was okay for him to sit on the edge of the mattress. The angel looked at their hands for a short minute and then at Sam. He trusted him, that was obvious, but was it wrong to let him? It felt like he was taken advantage of a desperate man.

Sam pulled his hands closer and Gabriel followed. He quickly looked at Sam’s mouth again and leaned in to a short touch of lips. Only inches from Gabriel, Sam’s eyes lit up the entire room. When the hunter took hold on the back of Gabriel’s neck, the angel threw all doubt overboard and let their lips melt together in a long deep kiss. Warmth spread from the connection with Sam and loosened every muscle in Gabriel’s tensed up back.

Gabriel didn’t want to end the moment. He didn’t was to go back to Sam not remembering any of the moments they’d had together, but he leaned back as Sam’s hand loosened its pressure and slid down to his shoulder.

The look in Sam’s eyes were more surprise than anything else. Gabriel looked at his hands still holding one of Sam’s and wondered if he should move away. If it had been too much.

“Sparky?”

Gabriel lifted his head and looked in Sam’s eyes. Recognition. No air moved in or out of Gabriel’s lungs and within a second tears were running on a steady pace over Gabriel’s face, dripping on their joined hands.

“What?”

Sam squeezed one of Gabriel’s hands. “I know you.”

Nothing was left to hold Gabriel up and he crumbled to rest his forehead on Sam’s hand. He didn’t know how Sam reacted to him clutching his hand and crying silently over it, but he couldn’t help it. Sam’s hand on his shoulder moved to the back of his head and buried itself in Gabriel’s hair.

“Gabriel… Gabe. Look at me.”

It took a few deep breaths before Gabriel got himself seated again. The single tear rolling down Sam’s cheek was wiped with Gabriel’s shaky thumb before he wiped his own with his sleeves.

“Can we start from there? From us?”

That was a lot to lay on Sam at once, but Gabriel had the feeling that Sam was already starting to piece some of it together.

“Okay. Just go with me on this.” Gabriel took a deep breath but weirdly enough he didn’t have any fear that Sam would kick him out no matter what he said.

“As soon as you remember you will know, so I’ll might as well tell you; I was a coward and, trying to hide it, a complete ass.”

Sam frowned and tilted his head slightly as if he tried to recall it. Gabriel bit his lip and looked down at his thumb instinctively rubbing the back of Sam’s hand.

“You and Dean saved the world. Later you saved me and you took pity on me while I tried to redeem myself. By some miracle, the pity turned into something else.”

Gabriel’s face was pushed up with a finger and slowly Sam’s face seemed calmer. He brushed his thumb over the skin under Gabriel’s lower lip and moved it back over his mouth.

“I remember, but it was never pity.”

The air flowed easily in to Gabriel’s lungs and he didn’t hesitate when Sam asked him to sit op in the bed next to him. Leaning against the headboard and Sam leaning against him they talked everything through, and little by little Sam ended up being the one bringing new things up and asking if it was something that really happened.

* * *

“Are you guys sleeping?”

Dean must have thought to disguise that Gabriel didn’t sleep. The knock on the door didn’t sound like Dean’s knocks. He was never silent or careful.

“We’re up.” Sam lifted his head from Gabriel’s shoulder and held on tighter when Gabriel tried to separate their intertwined fingers.

Dean’s look was priceless, confusion, relief and shock all mixed up in one. He almost dropped the plate in his hand.

“Ehm. We thought you might be hungry. Cas and I can’t remember for sure when you last ate.”

“Thanks.” Sam pushed himself up a bit and took the plate. “Wow, I didn’t realize how hungry I am.”

Dean looked at Gabriel, with at least twenty questions painted on his face. Gabriel just smiled and let Sam have his hand so he could eat.

 “I’m not sure what’s going on here but I’ll leave you to it.” Dean stepped back and took the door handle and sent Gabriel a judging gaze. “I hope you start to remember soon, Sam. Otherwise, this it kinda weird.”

Dean stepped out in the hall. Sam didn’t look up. “I hope that too. Jerk.”

“Bitch.” Dean closed the door.

Gabriel felt Sam beaming as they both waited for the door to open again. It took longer than expected, but eventually the door sprung open and Dean stood frozen in the light from the hallway.

“What?!”

Sam’s smile was close to cracking into laughter as he looked at Gabriel and back at Dean.

“That’s right. I’m back. Your pain-in-the-ass little brother.”

Gabriel just managed to reach over and hold Dean at a distance as he rushed to hug his little brother.

“His memory didn’t heal his ribs Dean!”

“Sorry.”

Dean held Sam’s face between his hands and looked him in the eyes. As soon as the tears started to glaze his eyes he leaned in and rested his chin on the top of Sam’s head. Gabriel took the plate with food and Sam’s arms wrapped around his big brother.

When Dean sat back, Cas was in the doorway. It seemed like he’d already caught up with what was happening.

Dean held on tight to Sam’s hand as if he was afraid that he would disappear again. “So you remember everything?”

“I think so. I don’t feel like there’s any black spots.”

Dean took a deep breath and nodded. He looked over Sam’s body and broken leg and then up at Gabriel. “So you can heal him now?”

Gabriel was fairly sure that it would be okay, but he’d like to be sure that Sam had everything in order. There was a lot of crap to put in context. He took Sam’s hand and looked him in the eyes. Sam didn’t seem in a hurry to get healed, his biggest injury was maybe already gone. The angel looked at Dean and smiled.

“I should give you two some time. There’s quite a lot I only know through what Sam have told me in the past, it might be good that he check the facts with you. I’m not sure if he have made himself look better. We wouldn’t want him to be cocky about something that wasn’t true.”

“Hey!” Sam pulled Gabriel’s arm and sent him a jokingly offended look.

Gabriel kissed Sam and got up. “I’ll heal you tomorrow. Now eat.”

For the first time Gabriel felt safe taking his eyes of his boyfriend. For the first time he was sure that Sam was his boyfriend.

He took Cas’s arm and closed the door behind them.


End file.
